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19 July 2012 @ 02:23 pm

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19 July 2012 @ 01:13 am
Looks like I figured out the cause of my stomach pains - hellooo period. Ugh. So I'm gonna be fat and bloated for the wedding.

I just went to mcdicks and got a diet coke. I needed something sweet.
19 July 2012 @ 12:35 am
I feel so massive today. Of course I fell asleep and missed my workout too. Not to mention my stomach hurts soo bad. gah.

Cals today: 
Apple w. cinnamon (70)
10 carrots (50)
grande iced coffee frap (110)
Smoothie (140)

= 370

So went a bit over my 300 limit for the day. I've decided I'm gonna do 200 tomorrow, 300 Friday, then I can have more on Saturday (the wedding).

I'm literally terrified about going home. When I'm here I'm alone, and can be in complete control of my food. But going home I'm going to be constantly surrounded by it. Ugh. I'm also really scared to weigh too... what if I haven't lost?

Height: 6 ft
GW1: 170
GW2: 165
GW3: 160

I really want to hit my third goal weight by August 20th, as I have another wedding to go to. Here's hoping. 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
17 July 2012 @ 05:37 pm
So discouraged today. Fuck it, I'm getting drunk tonight. 
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
16 July 2012 @ 03:33 pm
Sometimes life is fucking AWESOME. My bank account was in the negatives, and I was wondering how I was going to afford to buy my anxiety pills, buy gas to go home for the wedding, or even buy a simple coffee at my job interview tomorrow. But I just kept thinking 'everything will work out', hellloooo positive thinking. I just got a call this morning saying I was approved for a credit card and to come pick it up. HALLELUJAH! I just got to make sure to not rack up too big a debt on it.
Pretty happy right now though.

So far cals:
2 cups of coffee - 60
banana - 90

Going to spin class at 5 pm, and maybe group power if I have the energy. Afterwards have work, then I'm going to see Spiderman with L.


Went to spin and feel like I didn't really work myself that hard. Not to mention I got a wicked blister on my foot, ouch. I'm guessing I burned about 200 cals?

Came home starving so went out and bought a chicken breast and salad. Grilled the chicken breast and only had half of it and put it on top of the salad with balsamic vinagrette. Maybe 150 cals? Not too sure exactly. 

L bailed on the movie tonight. Prob a good thing, I'm not sure if I'm in a mood to resist popcorn.
Scratch that finished off the rest of the chicken breast with more salad. ergh. 

Current Mood: relievedrelieved
15 July 2012 @ 06:19 pm
actually went to the gym today, and did (almost) what I planned to. Weeoo.

20 mins eliptical (-200)
20 mins bike (-100)
= all in all burned around 300 cals

I had two cups of coffee this morn (50), a banana (90), then post gym I had some baby carrots (45)
=185 cals

So far I'm at -115 cals. I'm calling today Day 5 of the ABC diet, gonna aim for 100 cals. I'm going over to Ks tonight to bum around and watch some Sex and the City, so hopefully I won't eat too much. Maybe I'll just have a glass of wine.
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
14 July 2012 @ 11:17 pm
efff I feel so weird today. I've been restless and lonely, and above all feeling FAT. Like ridiculously fat. Thank the lord I have no money to go buy food - but then a part of me is dying to binge. life blows.

Cals today:

2 cups of coffee - 50
Banana - 90
10 baby carrots and celery - 70
homemade pina colada (rum, almond milk, banana, ice) - 200
apple - 40

= 450 cals

considering i just sat on my ass all day and did shit all, that is not okay. fuck. 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
12 July 2012 @ 09:02 pm
Finally got my fat ass to the gym! I think I realized I can't just keep sitting around waiting for motivation, just gotta DO IT. Cliche no?

Anywho, did 20 mins eliptical, 20 mins bike, and upper body weights. Man I'm ridiculously out of shape - that seems like barely anything and it drained me. 

Now just need to keep up the exercise! Gonna make up a workout schedule tonight :) 
Current Mood: accomplished
12 July 2012 @ 05:22 pm
Day 4 of the ABC diet, although the first 3 days were a little wacky.

Yesterday I could NOT for the life of me fall asleep, was in bed at 11:30 and didn't fall asleep til around 5 am. At one point I thought maybe my empty stomach was keeping me up so I tried eating a bowl of mixed berries with sugar, and naaadda. Ended up having to resort to sleeping pills. yet again. Ergh.

Anywho, today is a crazy hot day! Went to the mall with my friend L. Did some shopping, felt terribly fat, what else is new. She offered to buy me lunch, and I came so so close to caving. Just got a mineral water though (120 cals), and watched her eat her chinese food. Oh aint life grand. Afterwards we just cruised around for a bit, hit up starbucks and I got a tall iced coffee with milk (90 cals). Since I'm broke L actually bought it for me, best friend a girl could ask for :)

Now I'm just bumming around home painting my nails and watching netflix. I grilled some tofu, which puts me at my 400 cals for the day.

I'll probably go for a tan later, then maybe gym. God I don't want to gym. But I don't want to be this fat anymore either. Yep, life sucks. 
Current Mood: blahblah
12 July 2012 @ 12:01 am
Well didn't eat at all today. Had some coffee this morn with sugar - prob about 40 cals. Otherwise just water. Definitely feeling better after all the shit I ate last night.

Hopefully I can fall asleep tonight, but I really doubt it. arrgh. And I NEEED to go to the gym tomorrow. I'm not sure how to find the motivation to do that. I took my pup for a 20 minute walk tonight, so at least that's something?

On another note, I am BEYOND broke. My bank accounts are literally in the negative. Positives - no money for food. Negatives - no money for gas, gym membership, anxiety meds. effffff. I need a job pronto.
Current Mood: hothot